i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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