when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
