I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
