Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
