He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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