Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
