Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
