Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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