Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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