How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
