how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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