I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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