end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
