She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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