hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
