playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
