I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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