So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize