Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
