my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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