be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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