Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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