Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
