I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
