Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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