i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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