What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We don't watch enough power rangers
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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