She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
