Is it because I queefed?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
