hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
