I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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