FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My pussy is not your playground.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
