Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
