"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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