i just had sex bonerless
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
