I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
