I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
