Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
