home. puking in laundry basket.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
