Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
