he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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