So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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