where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
