everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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