Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
