We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm having to shit out rocks
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
