I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
