If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
