your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Found your dick twin last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
