I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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