How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
