people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
