I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
