my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
