i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
and you fell through a lawn chair
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
