Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
