How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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