I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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