I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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