The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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