Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
