North Korea, Best Korea!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
