I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
