I wish life had little blips of pornography
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
