I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize