Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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