my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
