Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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