Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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