we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you will always have a special place in my vag
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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