When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
