You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
